February 15, 2023
I love it when life takes us full circle.
Yesterday, I parked at the Dela Rosa Carpark for the first time since 2018. Back then, I was working in sales for Heineken Philippines. And this was our usual parking spot for when we had to visit the Heineken HQ in Makati for our monthly cascades. But yesterday, I parked there not for work but while on school break. I felt the urge to stay in the car and take a nap, as we used to do when we would arrive the office too early for the cascades.
The day before that, I had lunch with an acquaintance whom I first met and last seen in 2018. I talked to him about how my life was messier then than it is now. I felt the contrast of my disposition and overall situation. 2018 was my first year working in Manila. I had just returned from Iloilo after leaving law school to “figure myself out.” It was a weird time. Five years later, I’m just about to leave Manila for study.
As I write this, I’m parked at SM East Ortigas waiting for my brother to reply to my message (he’s probably still asleep from duty) or for Starbucks to open, whichever comes first. Five years ago, this was a usual rendezvous spot—among many other spots around the area—for the Heineken Pasig sales team. We took our breaks during our sales route here. I remember watching the premiere of Avengers Endgame with my teammates here as well.
That’s three consecutive full-circle days. I’ve decided to take them as signs from the universe, just because. I wonder what this city wants to tell me. I’m a few days away from leaving the country and it appears that it has a last-minute message. One for the road.
The city hasn’t changed much over the last five years. Things are generally where they used to be, but I, on the other hand, clearly am not. After five years of guessing, second-guessing, mistakes, and more mistakes, how could I possibly be? “Look,” says the city, “look at how constant things have remained, but the view has changed. The people are the same but the conversations are different.”
What a gift it is to be able to revisit old places and re-meet people from the past and derive new experiences from them. I used to wonder how people are able to stay at a job or in a city or in a relationship for years—even decades—without getting bored, or at least not bored enough to choose to leave. But I think I’m beginning to understand what these people have always known: some full circles are intentional.
To take an old, recurring, or mundane experience and see it with fresh eyes—it takes skill and practice to be able to do this on a regular basis and on command. But what a superpower that would be. Taken to its extreme, every day can be a full circle moment. Waking up to the same thing but seeing it with beginner’s eyes. “I’ve been here before,” one might think to themselves, “but its no longer the same place because I’m no longer the same person.”
I believe this to be true: everything we do, we do for the first time. Months ago, a friend was ranting to me about his parents and their parenting style. In the beginning, I was supportive and empathetic only to him, but towards the end, I was also empathetic to his parents. I realized that parents are being parents for the first time. They’re bound to make mistakes—of course. Even if you’re their second child, there’s still raising a second child for the first time.
This idea stayed with me for months and I was beginning to think that everything may be viewed with this attitude. Every experience is new. Every moment can be a full circle moment in that we can see the familiar with fresh eyes. Even when we’re 50 years old, our 50th year is still our first time being 50. Our 10 thousandth day is still our first experience of a 10 thousandth day on this planet. We are not the same people we were yesterday, at least not exactly.
As I write this, I realize how much of this sounds like woo-woo mental gymnastics. Maybe it is, but I’ve experienced more advantages to a beginner’s mindset than I can count to just let this slide as unhelpful. There is value in letting go of memory, even for a moment, to experience the present for the first time.
I am grateful. As this city brings me full circle, it reminds me of the past—how much I’ve grown, matured, and learned. But it also guides me towards the future. “Look with fresh eyes,” it says, “take every experience like it’s your first time, because it is.”