Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand
And I come here to talk
I hope you understand
The past couple of weeks have been extremely low for me. There’s really no better term for it than that, “low.” The mood was low, the motivation was low, and so was the will to live and to be in the company of other people. Every day was less colorful than the last and the days blended into each other like it was one long day that just refused to end. One long, bad day. A nightmare I couldn’t wake up from.
If you’re wondering what the nightmare is about, I think it’s enough to say that I’ve been struggling to come to terms with reality. And as I’m writing this now, I’m desperate to get over the hump as soon as I can. But all I’m able to do so far is to look back at all the other low moments in my past and how I managed to pull through those. All the bad days, long nights, drunk texts, and rage fits.
That green eyes
Yeah the spotlight, shines upon you
And how could anybody deny you
One thing I learned was this, when things begin to go south in one aspect of our lives, it’s easy to overlook how much this bleeds into the other parts of our lives. When work life suffers, for instance, so do our relationships with friends and family, and our health, and vice versa. And if we’re not careful, the various parts of our lives soon begin to pull one another down right under our noses.
I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter
Now I met you
And honey you should know
That I could never go on without you
Green eyes
And when we’re asked about our personal issues, we usually downplay the pain, sugar-coat the crippling anxiety. And eventually, we believe ourselves. We begin to underestimate the weight of living and the toll it’s taking on us. Next thing we know, we’ve lost control over our habits and emotions, and it’s only March.
There is no healing when we’re lying to ourselves.
But lucky for us, I’ve also learned, we underestimate the people around us even more. We often forget the number of friends, family, and friends who’ve become family, who are more than willing to help carry the weight with us.
Honey you are the sea
Upon which I float
And I came here to talk
I think you should know
At the gym when we find ourselves under a steel bar holding our body weight in plates, we don’t hesitate to ask for assistance, just in case we reach our limit and can’t lift any more. We either work out with a friend so we can spot each other, or ask someone in the gym to spot us for a few sets. Sometimes, we even shout at our spotters when it gets too heavy, “Spot! Spot! SPOT!” That might just be me, but the bottomline is, we don’t think twice before asking for physical help. Mental and emotional help, on the other hand, is a different story.
That green eyes
You’re the one that I wanted to find
And anyone who tried to deny you
Must be out of their mind
Recently, I’ve been taking it out on Twitter. I’m not proud of it, but impulse and insecurity told me that my problems were not worth bothering other people for. So instead of talking to someone specific, I threw most of my anger and disappointment into the abyss that is the Twitter feed. Did it help? Not really. It only made me feel worse for contributing to social media toxicity.
Eventually, though, some friends of mine began messaging personally to ask how I was. I was very touched by these gestures. I wasn’t even close with some of them. But at that point, none of that mattered, because for even just a few moments, I felt that my emotions were valid. My sadness, understood. And my anger, unjudged.
Because I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter
Since I met you
And honey you should know
That I could never go on without you
If there’s anything to be learned here, it’s that you’re not alone. The weight you’re carrying is heavy but around you are your spotters, there to share the weight with you. And if we don’t hesitate to ask for any physical help, seeking out emotional help should be no different. Go ahead and give your best friends from high school a call. Message your prof from college who always has the right things to say. Schedule to meet up with the college dorm-mate you’ve always planned to meet with, even if it’s just to catch up. Go ahead, ask for help. Your spotters would understand.
And it goes without saying, let’s not hesitate to spot someone carrying a heavy load as well. God knows everyone is at some point. It gets pretty heavy.
Honey you are the rock
Upon which I stand