Endings are the norm, not the exception. But we spend most of our lives thinking and acting otherwise.
I used to hate endings. During social gatherings, I’d always be among the last ones to leave. In relationships, I’m usually not one to end things. And when working on projects, I’ve always considered the end of one as a failure. Now, I’m not sure I’ve been understanding the nature of endings quite clearly.
The ancient philosophy of Stoicism has many principles, and it reminds us to contemplate many things. Memento Mori is a major one. Literally, the phrase means, “remember you must die.” To keep our mortality in mind is to remember that one day, things will no longer be as they are now. We will lose all of this, and who knows, that day might be tomorrow. So we must act accordingly.
“Let us prepare our minds as if we’d come to the very end of life. Let us postpone nothing. Let us balance life’s books each day. The one who puts the finishing touches on their life each day is never short of time.”
– Seneca
I sometimes catch myself thinking about this, and I would ask myself, “Am I thinking too much about death?” “Is this becoming too depressing?” I used to think so, but only because I was missing the point. I used to worry that it may be unhealthy, but now I don’t think I’m thinking about it enough. This I know because I’m still afraid of death, and of endings in general. If I’m told now that I wouldn’t be waking up tomorrow, I wouldn’t be ready just yet.
Endings are a fact not only for lives of human beings, but also for every other thing, activity, or endeavor. And what I’ve slowly been learning is that although beginnings are great and exciting, it’s the ending the ultimately gives it meaning.
Imagine if everything lasted forever. There would be no struggle to keep anything alive. Nostalgia wouldn’t exist as we know it. And we would be trapped in the endlessness of existence and of all things that have begun. We need endings because we need limits. It is only with limitations that we can choose to be in or out of its bounds. Paradoxically, limits create freedom.
This freedom reveals itself in what comes after. As you know, it’s not nothing on the other side, endings are mere points for transformation. They are the stuff of fresh starts, do-overs, and in some cases, rest.
“No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It is life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new.”
– Steve Jobs
I do not mean that we should actively seek out the end of all things. Rather, to openly accept and be aware of its inevitability. And to remember, endings give us reasons to celebrate things that begin, begin again, those that have gone, and those that, in the meantime, remain.