I’ve been back in my hometown for about two months, but it’s only now that I feel close to settling in. Maybe it’s because the last time I stayed in this city for this long a stretch was 8 years ago. That’s a big reason. But, more likely, it’s because of of pacing.
I don’t mean that things move slower in the province, although that is also true. But I’m referring to a more internal and individual pace – the speed at which thoughts and feelings go by and the expectations we place on ourselves and our productivity.
Today, this pace came in a literal form as I ran for the first time in weeks and meditated for the first time in about a month. Both my running and meditation apps were essentially saying the same thing: watch your pace, watch your pace. It felt like the calmest slap in the face. And it was one that I welcomed.
For so long, I’ve had this tug of war going on in my head. On one side, there is a desire to chase and to grind. On the other, the call to retreat and to slow down. Every so often, I would let one side win, but never quite fully.
With running, knowing your pace is key to a strong start and finish. The same goes with meditation. There is no forcing the breath, the sounds, or the thoughts that come. They just do. And it’s in listening to your body that you figure out its pace. No chase, no grind. It already knows how fast or slow it wants to go.
I’m reminded of every time I go out to drinking with my former boss Elna. As the guy who would always puke (but not give up!) first, she’d constantly remind me, “pacing… pacing…” I would just laugh and nod, but I always knew that that was more than just drinking advice.
It’s the same for running, drinking, meditating, and for much bigger things. “You can’t be everything to everybody.” That’s J. Cole in Sacrifices. At the same time, you can’t be everything all at once. If you’d like to, you can be all that you want to be, but not right now.
Know where you’re going, but pace yourself accordingly.
Being back home for a longer time than usual was an extreme shift in pace, but it isn’t unlike most of the changes we go through constantly. Adjusting is a matter of pacing, and pacing a matter of listening.