As I pace around my little room, desperately trying to psych the nerves and negative self-talk out out of my head, I decide that I need some external assistance. So I walk over to my laptop and instinctively type “Y” on my address bar and click enter on the first Google Chrome suggestion.
I have a test in a few hours. It’s a rather important one. If I don’t do well enough, I’m going to have to repeat that whole year so I can retake it next year. I am now realizing, as I write this, how much that would suck. I’m usually good at these, but the strictness and the newness and the solitude that comes with major online exams have gotten to my head. And now my neck is slightly stiff from the rising tension.
So now, I’m on YouTube in search of calm and focus, as many of us find ourselves doing more than we’d like to admit. First try on the search bar: “doubting self before a big test.” I check out the first few videos that seem promising or helpful. Why do these motivational videos always have titles in ALL CAPS? One is a reel made up of the usual motivational stock videos with some Michelle Obama speech voiceover. Another one is an ASAP Science video, which was only slightly helpful. Unfortunately for me, this trip down this rabbit hole ends there.
I go back to the home page and I see a few video suggestions covering today’s game. Just this morning, I, along with a few friends, streamed Game 2 of the NBA Finals over Discord. We had all placed a group bet on the Suns to win the championship this year, so we were pleased to see them take a comfortable 2-0 lead against the Bucks.
On YouTube’s dark home screen I see a couple of post-game interviews interviews from various networks. Post-game interviews have always had this calming effect on me, especially after a game where the team I was rooting for just won. The algorithm knows me well…
There’s a few with Shaq and Kenny, another one with Stephen A. Smith, one’s a post-game press conference with Devin Booker and Mikal Bridges, another with Chris Paul on the court right after the game. I scroll further down, and at the lower right corner is one with an interview clip of Suns Head Coach Monty Williams.
I’ve always enjoyed Coach Monty interviews. Over the past season, I have become a huge fan of his style of coaching. If I were to use a couple of words to describe it, it would be some combination of trust and empathy, which—personally—are aspirational leadership styles.
In the interview, he’s asked about his approach to talking to the team as a whole or individually during in-game huddles, however I don’t hear his answer because immediately after hearing the question, I’m automatically transported to a special moment in the game where Coach Monty delivers a rather moving pep talk to Suns starting center Deandre Ayton.
During a timeout early in the 4th quarter, the 22 year-old Ayton is seated with his head down after what had been a mediocre performance so far (for his standards). Coach Monty crouches down in front of him. In the most comforting way you can possibly speak to someone amidst the roaring of thousands of fans, he says, “Look at me,” as Ayton raises his head. Coach Monty continues, “You set a high level for yourself, that’s why you’re down. That’s great. Now, go reach that level. OK? And you can reach it with force. Doesn’t have to be stats all the time. Go dominate the game with force. Because you set a high level for yourself. Go dominate the game with force.”
You set a high level for yourself, that’s why you’re down. That’s great. Now, go reach that level.
I’m replaying this in my mind and I’m thinking, I need a Coach Monty in my head.
So I listen to some more. At this point, Coach Monty speaks about how their style of playing and winning hasn’t changed since the regular season. Their approach has always been like this. Their mindset has been reinforced from the beginning. “Reps remove doubt,” he says he would remind his team during practice. It turns out, over the past two years with the Suns, Coach Monty would regularly drop some words of wisdom on his team. A few have stuck with the players and have become mantras during games and practice. This was one of them.
Reps remove doubt. This is something I already knew; Kobe, Coach Pop, Floyd Mayweather Jr., they’ve all subscribed to the same idea, and I’ve heard them pound on this idea many times before. But as I’m hearing Coach Monty say it for the first time, it clicks into a more secure spot in my mind, like a puzzle piece that’s finally found its place.
In sales, the basic rule is to always “sell the benefit” so that the customer is able to connect the product or service with a value that resonates with them. This is that moment for me. I’m the customer and only now am I fully sold on this idea. It’s a weird feeling. I had always known that repetition leads to mastery, and that repetition leads to skill. But to take it one step further—it isn’t just the mastery of a skill that concerns us, but the fear of being nowhere near having mastered it at all.
I feel like Coach Monty was speaking my language. After all, he coaches a young team with players around my age, and he’s doing an exceptional job at it. It feels like a tug on the right heartstrings. Empathy at work.
Maybe it’s because it found me at the right moment. Maybe it’s because it’s Coach Monty. But now, I’m looking back at all the reps I’ve taken over the past year and it’s clear whether or not doubt is warranted. Nerves and jitters, sure. But doubt, I’m not so sure anymore.
I’m about an hour away from the official start of this test. But at the same time, I know, the test began a year ago.
Amidst the noise that is doubt, there is a voice that breaks through. It’s a voice that’s familiar, but one I haven’t heard from in a while. It’s the voice that wants to see me win, because it and I are on the same team. It says, “If you don’t have it in you to trust yourself right now, at least trust in the actions you’ve made in the past that got you here.”
(Photo chosen for the colors, Suns in 6!)